Remain in the Chaos

The past two weeks have been so hard. Not physically not mentally but emotionally. Around every turn there has been something that collectively or individually we have been frustrated with, annoyed, anxious, happy, devastated, scared or apathetic. I don't just mean me and Andrew but I mean me and my friends and family. 

To be honest there has been no time to breath, so no open space no consistent communication and it has left us feeling depleted and defeated most of the time. Stress added to this mix and a myriad of work schedules had made life even more interesting. Plans have been thwarted, lifestyles revamped. feeling hurt and yet in the midst of it all I have seen and sometimes I feel I have heard God speaking to me. I have heard Him say, "be still" or "remember" or "love in spite" or "bite your tongue" or "step up", "continue on" and yet at the end of the day the resounding sound is "REMAIN".

This post is to not gain sympathy but to realize that we all face at times this season of life. When you feel like the waves that you so deperately love are crashing not just around you anymore and the sound is not cute, but they are crashing over you and you are struggling to catch your breath. This is why I don't get why God has kept at times screaming to me "Remain". I don't want to remain, I want to run, I want to hide, I want to sluff off and get rid of the things that are hindering me and "fix" the problems. I  don't want to remain in them. But God is screaming remain to remind me that there just like now will be seasons where the week will shove absolutely every emotion you can muster at once at you and you have the choice to run defeated or walk with your feet firmly planted in the storm. I have to admit I have done both. I have ran and avoided problems ignoring them and just not caring knowing I will have to deal with it later, but I have also ran into the storm of the emotions and realized it was ok to have the emotions and to talk about them to let them be what they were because that would not change but my response to how life's storm impacts me does have the ability to change. 

I feel like I am the scene in Hercules where he is growing into who he is supposed to be and the muses are singing and he is walking up the incline to who he is supposed to become. We are on this mountain climb. There are plateaus but when we want to get to the next level we have to struggle with the incline. We have to struggle with our calves hurting as we climb we have to plot our course try it out and when it does not work revert and try a different way. We have to be persistent and take care of ourselves. That has not happened recently. There is not a sure fire way to get out of it other than the attempt at a slow and steady climb and then the getting back up when we fall over and over again.

We are in this life together to hold each other up, to provide accountability and to provide hope. It is because of this process of life that we go through that we can learn and grow from each other. When we are stretched to our limits we see what our limits truly are and we make them a little stronger, deeper, and a little more secure. Here is to another day, another challenge and another way of learning to lead on one another and to REMAIN in him. Hoping that I remain. 

EB